It's been a while. My last blog post as over a year ago. Sorry about that.
It's been a rough year, to say the least. I graduated high school, started college, got my first job, became an aunt. What a whirlwind.
My sister-in-law gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Ryder Allen Flake, last Valentine's Day. We're about to celebrate this spoiled boy's 1st birthday!
I've been working at Lifetime Leather Co since last April, although it's been pretty slow that last month since Christmas ended, so I haven't been working nearly as much.
I graduated in the top 10% in my class from Combs High School. I have a scholarship to a nearby community college so I'm currently attending CAC, and planning on transferring to ASU to major in Music Therapy.
I have a few different friends on missions that I'm writing (okay, I consistently write a select few, but I get like 6 different emails every week from various missionaries). I don't turn 19 until this upcoming August, so I'm still in the midst of deciding on whether I should serve a mission myself or not.
No, I'm not engaged or even close to it.
All of these big life events haven't been the reason for the struggles of this year, though. I try not to burden too many people with internal struggles I have, so only a couple friends and my mom really know that I've had a hard time these past 4 months or so. Even then, they don't know the extent. I'm sure that every post-high school student feels something similar to what I've felt. I've seen it in some close friends that graduated prior to me. Almost a feeling a helplessness and a loss of direction seems to plague those that have recently graduated or moved on from a big part of their lives. And maybe that's all it was, but I feel like it was more. I felt lost. Still living at home, people asking me often whether I was serving a mission or getting married or even rushing me to do something with my life. There was about a month straight where I felt so disconnected from those around me. I stopped reaching out to my friends and family and I didn't feel happy. I still can't find why this happened when it did, and it also happened around the same time a year before.I doubted how true my friendships were, I wasn't reading my scriptures as intently, and I wasn't sincerely praying. I would still read and pray daily, but it didn't feel like anything helped. I still attended the temple, but felt pretty numb. My coworkers were pretty terrible, especially towards me, and I ended up taking it personal. (Don't ever take things personal) I'm not positive what actually snapped me out of this depressed phase, but i know that I'm happier! What I find interesting is that the very week that I realized that I'd started feeling happier, one of my missionary friends (who I'd just love to get to know better after his mission) confided in me that he had been struggling with a bad bout of depression and that he'd finally recognized himself coming out of that. I highly doubt that this was a coincidence! (thanks Big Guy) Call me crazy, but things like that email from my friend and other small tender mercies help so much when life comes at you strong.
Point is, I'm doing so much better now. I'm not nearly as close with friends as I used to be, but I'm so much closer with my sister-in-law, Tatum and my sister, Elizabeth and I am so happy right now. They are so good to me and I love to be with them.
I'm probably not even going to publish this post, but at least I'll have this for if I marry my missionary, right?
"Your needs are known. You're not alone."
