Happy

What a whirlwind of a week, and it's only Thursday!

Quick update because life is always changing:
-I moved out of my parents house! Super random (but very well placed thanks to the Big Guy), but on my YSA ward's (which I hadn't actually transferred my records over to at the time) Facebook page, someone posted looking for a roommate. So I contacted her and went ahead and met her and the other roomie, and long story short, I knew Heavenly Father needed me to spread my wings and leave the nest! I've lived with my 2 roommates, only 15 minutes away from Mom & Dad, for two weeks now. And I love life! The Singles Ward is treating me great, and I'm really happy where I'm at.

My roommates! Heather, Lorrie, & I went and saw Beauty & the Beast!

Heather & I at an ASU baseball game! (She doesn't always pose like this, I promise)

So over the summer, I remember having this long phone call with Ellyse, probably around July. We talked about the future, and how specifically both of us had decided (through different circumstances) that we probably weren't gonna serve missions. Then we talked about how both of us were thinking about the temple and how the church has gotten less strict with letting girls go through for their own endowment. It used to be that you had to have a mission call or were getting married or were over the age of 26 or something to go through for yourself. Nowadays, you can start thinking about the temple even if those 3 specific circumstances don't apply to you.
After that talk we had, I kinda tucked away into the back of my mind the thought of going through the temple for myself, to save for when I felt ready. December comes and I am not doing great spiritually. I made it a goal for myself to work towards the temple so I could be better spiritually. I started a temple prep class in January and I never took all the lessons consecutively, but I got pretty much all the lessons in, before other callings took over my 2nd hour block at church. A couple weeks into February, I had a distinct thought to schedule an interview with Bishop Tanner about the temple. I talked with him, and by the end of the day, I had a temple recommend to take to the stake president to sign. I met with President Oakes the week after and was officially ready to 'legally' step foot into the temple beyond that front recommend desk. And of course I got my temple recommend signed the Sunday before the Gilbert temple closed for 2 weeks for maintenance. I called 2 weeks later and scheduled my endowment session for March 14 so my brother and his wife who live in Tucson could come. I love my extended family, and they were invited too, but the ones I really cared about coming were my parents and my 2 older brothers with their wives.
So the day came and I was able to go through the Gilbert temple and receive my own endowment this past Tuesday! What an amazing experience. I loved every second of it. I tried to soak in as much information as I could, but there's a lot to take in! I had worried the weeks leading up to this that I wasn't ready or that I was misinterpreting promptings from the Lord about the temple, but as soon as that session started, it just felt right. I've felt plenty of different things when feeling the Spirit, but never like this. I've felt bouncing-off-the-walls happy, peaceful, and content, but never like I felt in the temple. Everything I'd been doing in my life was leading up to this point when everything was just simply right. I definitely didn't understand everything, but I'm so excited to keep going back. I'm excited to learn more about the covenants made and the symbolism shown. And I'm excited to one day come with my future husband to get married there. Do yourself a favor and make the temple your goal because it is SO worth it, I can promise you.

The day after this amazing experience, my family and I were able to go with my sister to receive her patriarchal blessing. It is so cool to get a small glimpse of how much potential she has! There are many things in her blessing that astound me and make me feel so much more love for that girl. I am so thankful that she is my sister.

As hard as the last 8 months have been since I graduated, I am so happy with where I'm at right now. It's taken a lot to get to this point, but I'm so grateful for the trials that have strengthened me and the friends that have lifted me up. I'm ready to see what else the Lord has planned for my life.

"One day we're gonna come back and laugh at it all. One day we'll look at the past with love."

Update?

It's been a while. My last blog post as over a year ago. Sorry about that.

It's been a rough year, to say the least. I graduated high school, started college, got my first job, became an aunt. What a whirlwind.

My sister-in-law gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Ryder Allen Flake, last Valentine's Day. We're about to celebrate this spoiled boy's 1st birthday!

I've been working at Lifetime Leather Co since last April, although it's been pretty slow that last month since Christmas ended, so I haven't been working nearly as much.

I graduated in the top 10% in my class from Combs High School. I have a scholarship to a nearby community college so I'm currently attending CAC, and planning on transferring to ASU to major in Music Therapy.

I have a few different friends on missions that I'm writing (okay, I consistently write a select few, but I get like 6 different emails every week from various missionaries). I don't turn 19 until this upcoming August, so I'm still in the midst of deciding on whether I should serve a mission myself or not.

No, I'm not engaged or even close to it.

All of these big life events haven't been the reason for the struggles of this year, though. I try not to burden too many people with internal struggles I have, so only a couple friends and my mom really know that I've had a hard time these past 4 months or so. Even then, they don't know the extent. I'm sure that every post-high school student feels something similar to what I've felt. I've seen it in some close friends that graduated prior to me. Almost a feeling a helplessness and a loss of direction seems to plague those that have recently graduated or moved on from a big part of their lives. And maybe that's all it was, but I feel like it was more. I felt lost. Still living at home, people asking me often whether I was serving a mission or getting married or even rushing me to do something with my life. There was about a month straight where I felt so disconnected from those around me. I stopped reaching out to my friends and family and I didn't feel happy. I still can't find why this happened when it did, and it also happened around the same time a year before.I doubted how true my friendships were, I wasn't reading my scriptures as intently, and I wasn't sincerely praying. I would still read and pray daily, but it didn't feel like anything helped. I still attended the temple, but felt pretty numb. My coworkers were pretty terrible, especially towards me, and I ended up taking it personal. (Don't ever take things personal) I'm not positive what actually snapped me out of this depressed phase, but i know that I'm happier! What I find interesting is that the very week that I realized that I'd started feeling happier, one of my missionary friends (who I'd just love to get to know better after his mission) confided in me that he had been struggling with a bad bout of depression and that he'd finally recognized himself coming out of that. I highly doubt that this was a coincidence! (thanks Big Guy) Call me crazy, but things like that email from my friend and other small tender mercies help so much when life comes at you strong.

Point is, I'm doing so much better now. I'm not nearly as close with friends as I used to be, but I'm so much closer with my sister-in-law, Tatum and my sister, Elizabeth and I am so happy right now. They are so good to me and I love to be with them.

I'm probably not even going to publish this post, but at least I'll have this for if I marry my missionary, right?




"Your needs are known. You're not alone."