Love At Home

1. 1. There is beauty all around.
   When there's love at home;
   There is joy in ev'ry sound
   When there's love at home.
   Peace and plenty here abide,
   Smiling sweet on ev'ry side.
   Time doth softly, sweetly glide
   When there's love at home.
   Love at home, love at home;
   Time doth softly, sweetly glide
   When there's love at home.
2. 2. In the cottage there is joy
   When there's love at home;
   Hate and envy ne'er annoy
   When there's love at home.
   Roses bloom beneath our feet;
   All the earth's a garden sweet,
   Making life a bliss complete
   When there's love at home.
   Love at home, love at home;
   Making life a bliss complete
   When there's love at home.
3. 3. Kindly heaven smiles above
   When there's love at home;
   All the world is filled with love
   When there's love at home.
   Sweeter sings the brooklet by;
   Brighter beams the azure sky.
   Oh, there's One who smiles on high
   When there's love at home.
   Love at home, love at home;
   Oh, there's One who smiles on high
   When there's love at home.

This song tells you the promises you receive when there's love at home, but it doesn't tell you how to have love at home.

So, what do you do when there isn't love at home? 

I don't know.

Lately I've had a hard time trying to connect with my siblings. I thought it would be easier with Jordan home from his mission and Jacob married, but it's not. Not to mention the relationship I crave to have with my sister-in-law. I just feel like all three of them treat me as if I'm the annoying younger sister I was 5 years ago. But that's not me anymore. I can handle mature conversations. I like to sit around and talk with the adults. I want to be invited to hang out with them. But when I ask to do anything with them, I get knocked down lower and lower with every time I try. 

I want to love my family deeper. I so badly crave the family relationship I see in other families. I want to be able to trust my brothers with my feelings instead of getting stepped on. I want to sit down and have fun with my parents and my siblings. I don't want to see my younger siblings as annoying. 

I want to try harder. I'm not the peacemaker in the family, but I try. I try to have a relationship with my younger siblings, but most of the time, they just push me around. I turn to my friends more than I should to escape the contentious feelings in my home, leaving my family to feel abandoned. 

Right now, it's hard. But I know that it will all work out. Just because I'm having a hard time building relationships doesn't mean that my siblings are. My older brothers have a great bond together. Just because my interactions with my younger siblings usually end in some sort of fight doesn't mean that it will be like that forever. Even though we struggle to keep the Spirit in our home on Sundays doesn't mean that my younger siblings will never have a spiritually uplifting Sabbath Day. 

I worry about my family and I pray for them. As long as I keep trying and living righteously, I know that everything will work out. Not now, but in the end. Eternally, we will be happy. Until then, try your hardest and be your best.

Love,

Emmalee

My Hawsome Friend

I have this friend.

Her name is Ellyse Haws.

She is so nice, generous, kind, sweet, everything I could ever ask for in a friend.

And she thinks I'm cool! That's a plus.

She's the 2nd best in the state in cosmetology; she's a wizard with hair.

We're a dynamic duo. I'm a spontaneous ball of energy and who-knows-what and she is a sassy, but tidy, ball of fun.

She has taught me how to love people and how to serve people.

She loves me because I am me.

I can tell her anything and she will listen. She helps me through the hard times.

She loves the Lord and loves going to the Temple with me.

She is adorable and the epitome of fabulous.

She is so wonderful.

And I love having her as my best friend. <3

I <3 you, Ellyse!

Love,

Emmalee

P.S. You can find her here: ellyseleighannhaws.blogspot.com

My Fight with Self-Esteem

Middle school is hard on a teenage girl. The urge to feel pretty and loved overtakes the urge to be smart about decisions. I didn't make too many stupid decisions in junior high, but I've definitely had my bouts with my self-esteem. Once I hit high school, I tried so hard to feel good about myself. Freshman year wasn't very kind to me. Sophomore year helped me come out of my shell and realize my true self. Junior year was fantastic. I have never felt better about myself.

A girl's self-esteem is attacked hardcore when she's vulnerable and naive and young. And still when she's older. But the fight is so hard. For the most part, I haven't ever struggled huge with my self worth. There was this one time in middle school when I was so down, I thought about what other people's lives would be without me. But I chickened out of suicidal thoughts, thankfully. I knew that my family loved me and would miss me. I am so grateful for young women leaders and friends and my mom for encouraging me to feel beautiful.

I've worn glasses since I was 6 years old, and I got contacts the summer before 8th grade. I've gone back and forth between contacts and glasses since then. This past school year I've worn mainly glasses, hiding my face. I would put on mascara sometimes to feel pretty. But last week, I went to the optometrist and refilled on contacts. As soon as I put the new contacts I realized that I am very flawed, especially in the facial region. I wanted to hide behind my big glasses immediately. I had pimples that my glasses would've hidden from the world. My eyelashes were short and stubby. My eyebrows were practically uneven and maybe even turning into a uni brow. My face was chubby. I had a glasses tan. I was insecure and didn't want the world to see my face. I was embarrassed. But what was I supposed to do at the eye doctor's office? I had to wait til I got home to do anything. 

It doesn't get better unless you decide yourself.

I have decided that I want to feel beautiful about myself, not just pretty. I know that I am special. I know that I am beautiful. I know that I have potential. I know that I am unique. I know that I am a daughter of God. 

But I feel beautiful because I know how to feel beautiful. I have found the right friends that treat me well. I try not to compare myself to other "prettier" girls, because I guarantee, they are insecure, too. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's hard some days, but only because I forget. I forget how loved I am and I forget how beautiful I can feel if I try. 

Love who you are. Love where you are. And be the person you were meant to be.

Love,
Emmalee

P.S. I think you are beautiful.

Changes

Change is good, right?

It definitely doesn't feel like that right now.

I have lived in Castlegate for the past 10 years. I grew up with Brother Eldredge as my primary teacher and Brother and Sister Fire as my very first sunday school teachers after primary. I became more social with Brother Miller's "lessons" and I learned how to be myself with Sister Jones' young women lessons. I grew to love the members of the ward as my own family. Bishop Oakes was my first amazing bishop that I remember loving to pieces, and still do. Bishop White helped me through my teenage years. In the past 10 months, I have loved and served my fellow young women and leaders. I have sung multiple duets, quartets, and even a couple solos. The Castlegate ward was the first to hear me sing in front of an audience. They helped me get over my stage-fright and learn how to sing. They watched me grow.

And now it's all new.

New faces, new bishop, new young women, new leaders, new everything. And I miss good ole Castlegate. I went to my new ward, Sierra Vista, for the 1st time today. Sacrament was nice. Sunday School was alright. Young Women's broke my heart. Not because it was horrible, it was actually pretty great. I just missed my ward terribly. I miss feeling comfortable with my comments. I miss chatting with Maelyn and getting in trouble. I miss writing Jalen little notes on her paper. I miss seeing my mom teach her amazing lessons. I miss giving Sister Jones huge hugs whenever I saw her. I miss Brother Haws' beautiful, amazing prelude music.

So as I cry because I don't want things to change, I know I need to look for opportunities to serve new people. But I just want a friend. A friend as good as Ellyse. A friend who will talk to me forever. A friend who isn't turning 18 on Wednesday. A friend who will be there in my new ward to go to Sunday school and Young Women's with me. But making friends isn't one-sided. I know I should be looking for friends. I just want my old CG fam back.

But change is good.

I welcome my new ward with open arms and an open heart. It will take a little bit to get used to it, and all will be well in the end. I just need to stick it out and endure for a little bit.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I have faith that He will make this new change into something amazing.

I'll keep singing. I'll keep looking for opportunities to serve. I'll also keep looking for my old ward family in the halls. They're right around the corner, they're not gone forever. I have been so blessed with an amazing ward. Now it's time for my family and I to bless this ward.

See ya around, Castlegate ward.

Hello, Sierra Vista ward!

Good things to come, hopefully!

Love,
Emmalee

Serve, Love, Repeat

I heard once in a talk that if you want to love someone, serve them. There is no way you can't not love someone if you're serving them.

I struggle with my friends. All the time. I try so hard to love them and keep the wonderful friendship we have. Sometimes I just want to give up. I even started giving up on some friendships. Not a good idea. One of my friends once said, "I don't believe in throwing away friendships. You fix them, not throw them away." 

I came to the realization that this is NOT something I should be doing, throwing away friendships. I knew that if I wanted to love my friends again, I needed to serve them. So I started thinking of ways to serve. Getting them flowers, little things here and there. As I was preparing little gifts to give them, I grew to love my friends SO MUCH. I can't even explain it. I know that the love I felt came straight from Heavenly Father. He wanted me to feel the love He as for all of us. 

I love my friends. I'm still struggling with letting things go, and it's hard. But I know I can do it through serving. Nothing else matters when you're serving.

"When ye are in the service of your fellow being, ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2:17

Serve, Love, Repeat.

Love,
Emmalee

Man's Extremity is God's Opportunity

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes it feels like its more down than up. Today, church was amazing. We had stake conference and Elder Neil L. Anderson from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was there. I shook his hand afterwards. Super cool! The speakers focused more on the temple and its blessings. I got home and I just felt... bombarded. Alone, almost. I was confused and sad. I snapped at my family, and I didn't know how to explain my feelings. It sounds pathetic, I know. But I was down in the dumps, after listening to an Apostle of The Lord speak.

So, I prayed. That's always a good go-to. (The ideal go-to, actually)

After a heartfelt and sincere prayer, I started listening to a CES fireside talk by Jeffrey R. Holland, Lessons from Liberty Jail. (Click here to listen to the talk) We had reviewed some of it in Seminary and I wanted to listen to the full thing. SO worth it. Here are the Lessons we learn from Liberty Jail:

1. Everyone Faces Trying Times.

Sometimes life just seems perfect. Everything is ideal and you just want it to stay because it seems perfect. Then something happens. Whether that 'something' is an actual event that occurs that forces change, or your own feelings. There have been many times, such as what I expressed in the 1st paragraph, that I just feel so down and alone. I have to change somehow, whether that is becoming more spiritual or studying my scriptures more and just talking it out with someone. It happens. Life is never, EVER perfect.

Everyone has tough times, you just need to know where to turn during those tough times.

"If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren. . .above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?" D&C 122:5-8

Man's extremity is God's opportunity. Let God mold you into what He needs you to be, especially during times of trial.

2. Even the Worthy Will Suffer

Just because you are good and righteous, doesn't mean God will only bless you with the very best. You will have trials, no matter how you act. You may have worse consequences if you aren't righteous, in fact. Just remember to be humble. Don't be caught in the pride cycle.

3. Remain Calm, Patient, Charitable, and Forgiving

It is vital to maintain peace through a trial. It will not only strengthen your faith, but prepare you for what else is to come. The same goes for charity. If you are charitable and forgiving during hard times, it will benefit you so immensely and prepare you for the future. And of course, patience is a virtue. I think everyone takes that for granted.

So, during sad times, or mad times, or depressing times, or just plain bad times, turn to the Savior. Remember what He can do for you. 

"Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." D&C 122:9

Love, 

Emmalee

I Am Not Perfect

I scream. I yell. I cry. I hit. I whine. I antagonize. I annoy. I defy. I argue. I'm not perfect. So why try? 

Well, for starters, the Savior did not atone for all mankind for nothing. 

Don't let His amazing, genuine, eternal gift go to waste. Use it! 

3 Nephi 12:48. Be ye perfect as I am. 

I gets hard. You just want to crawl in a hole and cry because your feelings are hurt or someone said something mean. Is what you're facing really that important and big? Are your hardships really exceeding that of the Savior's? Because He can help. 

A wise seminary teacher once told me that EVERYTHING will fail you. Except the Savior and His Atonement. 

So, yea I'm sad. Yea my feelings are hurt because my mom won't let me go do what I want right now. Yea I'm mad my sister is acting like a little kid. Yea I'm mad that my brother cussed me out for turning off the Xbox in the middle of his game and not letting him play. Yea I'm sad my friends aren't acting like I want them to. Yea I'm sad I'm not getting my way. Yea I'm mad I have to go to graduation tonight to sing some lame songs with my crappy choir teacher. Yea I'm sad that my best friend has hurt feelings. Yea I'm sad because I wanted a burrito today and never got it. 

But does all of this even matter in the long run? 

Look to your Savior. Find peace in Him. Realize your true potential. Love all those around you. 

Love,
Emmalee