My Fight with Self-Esteem

Middle school is hard on a teenage girl. The urge to feel pretty and loved overtakes the urge to be smart about decisions. I didn't make too many stupid decisions in junior high, but I've definitely had my bouts with my self-esteem. Once I hit high school, I tried so hard to feel good about myself. Freshman year wasn't very kind to me. Sophomore year helped me come out of my shell and realize my true self. Junior year was fantastic. I have never felt better about myself.

A girl's self-esteem is attacked hardcore when she's vulnerable and naive and young. And still when she's older. But the fight is so hard. For the most part, I haven't ever struggled huge with my self worth. There was this one time in middle school when I was so down, I thought about what other people's lives would be without me. But I chickened out of suicidal thoughts, thankfully. I knew that my family loved me and would miss me. I am so grateful for young women leaders and friends and my mom for encouraging me to feel beautiful.

I've worn glasses since I was 6 years old, and I got contacts the summer before 8th grade. I've gone back and forth between contacts and glasses since then. This past school year I've worn mainly glasses, hiding my face. I would put on mascara sometimes to feel pretty. But last week, I went to the optometrist and refilled on contacts. As soon as I put the new contacts I realized that I am very flawed, especially in the facial region. I wanted to hide behind my big glasses immediately. I had pimples that my glasses would've hidden from the world. My eyelashes were short and stubby. My eyebrows were practically uneven and maybe even turning into a uni brow. My face was chubby. I had a glasses tan. I was insecure and didn't want the world to see my face. I was embarrassed. But what was I supposed to do at the eye doctor's office? I had to wait til I got home to do anything. 

It doesn't get better unless you decide yourself.

I have decided that I want to feel beautiful about myself, not just pretty. I know that I am special. I know that I am beautiful. I know that I have potential. I know that I am unique. I know that I am a daughter of God. 

But I feel beautiful because I know how to feel beautiful. I have found the right friends that treat me well. I try not to compare myself to other "prettier" girls, because I guarantee, they are insecure, too. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's hard some days, but only because I forget. I forget how loved I am and I forget how beautiful I can feel if I try. 

Love who you are. Love where you are. And be the person you were meant to be.

Love,
Emmalee

P.S. I think you are beautiful.